Letter To Me

If you could write a letter and send it back in time to yourself, what would you say? Let’s be a little realistic (despite the fact that we are talking about time travel) and assume you can’t send yourself stock tips or lottery numbers. Would you be practical or downright greedy? The possibilities are endless, and for me a several ideas come to mind.

September 22, 1995 “Watch out for the weakside linebacker blitz. If he hits you, your left knee is never going to be the same.”

November 4, 1998 “Stop drinking a half hour earlier, this hangover is going to be bad enough as it is, and the girl turns out to be an ugo."

July 12, 2001. “That blonde in the corner at Spyro, yes she’s looking at you, and you really need to go talk to her.”

July 13, 2001. “See, I told you so. And that missing bra is stuck behind the headboard.”

April 1, 2003. “Plan on buying Sam a really nice birthday gift this year, he’s about to bail your ass out of a mess you can’t even imagine.”

January 8, 2005. “Make sure you’re on AIM today. Trust me, the rest of your life depends on it.”

Anyone of these could have saved me countless headaches. But would it be worth it? What other effects would any of these small changes have had? Would the known reward be worth the unforeseen consequences? After careful reflection, the risk just wouldn’t be worth it. My letter would go something like this:

Past me,
This is you 10 years from now. I’ve been trying to figure out what advice to give you to make our life turn out better, and I’ve only come up with this. The next 10 years of your life is going to be a wild ride, but don’t change a damn thing. Live it up, enjoy it all, and drink enough to pickle an elephant. There will be a regret or two (or eight), but it’s all worth it. Trust me, you’ll thank me later.

Future you.

P.S. On second thought, there is one thing. Don’t pee in Kevin’s shoes, he really didn’t find that one funny.

Duties *hehehehe*

I was watching the Braves with my wife recently, and the announcer made the seemingly innocuous statement “Renteria is doing double duty on the infield tonight.” I of course, found this extremely funny, because being a man, what I had heard was “Renteria is doing double doody on the infield tonight.” I spent the next several seconds in laughter, while my wife rolled her eyes and mumbled under her breath what a lucky woman she is. Women just don’t get it. They never have, and never will understand our sense of humor.

Why are doody jokes so funny? Any variant of the word will crack me up regardless of situation or setting. It’s funny for the same reason that a 90 year old man will fall off his rocking chair laughing at a fart. That kind of humor is simply timeless. I’ve come to the conclusion that the male sense of humor reaches full maturity at age 10. This rule is without question universal. If it was funny in 3rd grade, it’s funny now.

The reasoning here is simple. Growing older is inevitable, but growing up is merely optional. Being all grown up doesn’t mean that you can’t still enjoy at least some of what was so much fun as a kid. If you grow up to the point that you can’t laugh at something so purely childish as a doody joke, then what can you laugh at? With the amount of stress and worry that is entailed in being a responsible adult, you have to have a pressure release valve of some sort, and mindless humor that requires no mental exertion fills this role well.

Let’s face it, your day to day life sucks a lot of the time. When something comes along to relieve that, even for a moment, you should take full advantage of it. Quite frankly, it’s your duty. *hehehehe*