You’ll often hear people tell you that one time or another will be “the best years of your life”. The time period they reference will vary, and the source of this information will be some sad old soul pining over what might have been. Quite frankly, this is really bad advice to be given. How can you enjoy it if all you are doing is worrying about whether or not you are making the most of it? What really defines the best period of your life anyway? Is it fall nights under the lights playing high school ball? Binge drinking and chasing tail for 4 (or 5, or 6) years in college? Or is it merely as compared to the worst time of your life? I suppose the answer has a lot to do with your perspective.
Until very recently, the answer for me would have been the years I spent living in Athens shortly after college. I moved into a house with my best friend, had a mindless no stress job, and had no real responsibilities. Between UGA football, all night poker sessions, and hitting the midnight showing of every major movie release, it was truly the quintessential bachelorhood. What could possibly be better? At that time, the absolute worst thing I could have imagined was being trapped in some high stress job trying to juggle a career, a wife, a mortgage and an SUV. This was practically yesterday, but at the same time it was another lifetime ago.
Fast forward four short years and it’s a completely different world. I have a wife and a newborn daughter, and my world has been turned upside down and stuffed in a box. Where once I didn’t think about work unless I was there, I now have that high stress job that absolutely consumes me, but it provides the house, the SUV and the minivan. Back then a weekend was sleeping in on Saturday, catching a long lunch with my buddies, and then wasting the rest of the day watching Scrubs reruns. Now a weekend means up at 8am on Saturday to make the most of the day. I’ll mow the grass, spend the afternoon running around with the wife, and do all those other things that a good husband does. Instead of hours playing Playstation, I’ll stand in my daughter’s room and just watch her sleep. This dichotomy is absolutely fascinating to me. Virtually overnight, the beer swilling, skirt chasing frat boy has become this domesticated grownup that the old me would hardly even recognize, but I wouldn’t trade a moment of today for all the “good old days” put together.
So what really defines the best period of your life? It’s not fleeting moments of glory, and it’s not just as compared to the bad times. The answer is that the best time of your life is how you compare it to the rest of the good times. During what used to be the “best years of my life” I thought there could be nothing worse than my life now, but living it now couldn’t be any better.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
The Bro's Before Ho's Principle
With few exceptions, all of the truly great stories that you have likely involve 3 key elements. Alcohol, doing something stupid, and most importantly the other guy that supplied either the alcohol, the idea, or the motivation that made it happen. Your friends provide the framework of your entire social structure, and they do this by being there for everything, both stellar and stupid.
As a general rule, guys will have a few select friends throughout his life rather than many lesser acquaintances, and they will be fiercely loyal to these chosen few. These are the guys that will drop everything to take you out to drink away a bad relationship, give up their couch when your girlfriend kicks you out, and defend you regardless of how very wrong you may be. They will be there supporting every decision you make, and they will also be there when those decision go directly to shit. These are the kind of actions that form absolute loyalty, and the importance of them cannot be overstated.
Women however, do not understand this. Their world tends to revolve around their current relationship, and they will likely expect the same from you. That is not to say they can’t dislike your friends, because they most certainly will. Most women you date will have a problem of some sort with one or more of your friends. See, in order for your girlfriend to view you as being date-able, she has to find some way to explain all your bad traits. Since most of your bad traits are probably related to the fact that you’re a guy, the natural response is for her to see your male friends as the embodiment (and therefore the cause) of everything negative she finds in you. That is to be expected. Your girlfriend doesn't have to become best buds with all your friends, but it's not too much to ask for her to at least tolerate them and play nice. Any woman, regardless of how hot she may be, who asks or even expects you to choose her over your friends is simply not worth your time. This critical element of guydom is known simply as “Bro’s Before Ho’s”
Unfortunately, while this principle is recognized and accepted by men everywhere as one of the simplest and most crucial that all guys live by, it is frequently violated. It is far too easy for many guys to get themselves wrapped up in the latest woman in their life and forget all about their friends. The excuses begin, ("I would come to trivia night, but…”), traditions are put on hold ("I know we go to Jacksonville for the Florida game every year, but...") and all the buddies get brushed off until the next time they're needed. Don’t be that guy, nobody likes him. While it is reasonable to expect that you will have less available time for drinking with the boys, don’t make the mistake of forgetting them entirely. If you do however, there is hope. These friends, being guys themselves, have probably made that same mistake, and will still be there for that night of drinking and debauchery when that latest, greatest woman drops you straight on your ass, regardless of how easy it was for you to blow them off. And they will still be there for the vicious cycle to start all over. Now ask yourself one question: How many women in your life are that reliable? That's what I thought.
As a general rule, guys will have a few select friends throughout his life rather than many lesser acquaintances, and they will be fiercely loyal to these chosen few. These are the guys that will drop everything to take you out to drink away a bad relationship, give up their couch when your girlfriend kicks you out, and defend you regardless of how very wrong you may be. They will be there supporting every decision you make, and they will also be there when those decision go directly to shit. These are the kind of actions that form absolute loyalty, and the importance of them cannot be overstated.
Women however, do not understand this. Their world tends to revolve around their current relationship, and they will likely expect the same from you. That is not to say they can’t dislike your friends, because they most certainly will. Most women you date will have a problem of some sort with one or more of your friends. See, in order for your girlfriend to view you as being date-able, she has to find some way to explain all your bad traits. Since most of your bad traits are probably related to the fact that you’re a guy, the natural response is for her to see your male friends as the embodiment (and therefore the cause) of everything negative she finds in you. That is to be expected. Your girlfriend doesn't have to become best buds with all your friends, but it's not too much to ask for her to at least tolerate them and play nice. Any woman, regardless of how hot she may be, who asks or even expects you to choose her over your friends is simply not worth your time. This critical element of guydom is known simply as “Bro’s Before Ho’s”
Unfortunately, while this principle is recognized and accepted by men everywhere as one of the simplest and most crucial that all guys live by, it is frequently violated. It is far too easy for many guys to get themselves wrapped up in the latest woman in their life and forget all about their friends. The excuses begin, ("I would come to trivia night, but…”), traditions are put on hold ("I know we go to Jacksonville for the Florida game every year, but...") and all the buddies get brushed off until the next time they're needed. Don’t be that guy, nobody likes him. While it is reasonable to expect that you will have less available time for drinking with the boys, don’t make the mistake of forgetting them entirely. If you do however, there is hope. These friends, being guys themselves, have probably made that same mistake, and will still be there for that night of drinking and debauchery when that latest, greatest woman drops you straight on your ass, regardless of how easy it was for you to blow them off. And they will still be there for the vicious cycle to start all over. Now ask yourself one question: How many women in your life are that reliable? That's what I thought.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Things We Wish You Knew
Those of you who have read any of my previous ramblings know that my primary audience is guys. This one is different. This article is written with a female audience in mind. There are things in this world that every guy accepts as truth, sometimes even as gospel, and we all truly wish that women understood them. So as a public service to men everywhere, I'm going lay it all out on the table in the and try to teach you a thing or two. Pay attention, and take notes as necessary.
-Try to be just a little considerate. If you have something to say during a game, save it for a commercial.
-Marco Polo didn't stop for directions. Neither will we. Ever.
-When the oil light in your car comes on, we want to know sooner, not later.
-We don't remember what day it is, and we don't care. If it's important, put it on the calendar.
-Baseball is not “just a game”. Checkers is a game. Learn the difference.
-If you ask us a question you do not want answered, you will get an answer you do not want.
-If you think your ass is getting bigger, it probably is. See the previous statement before asking us about it.
-We are not always thinking about you. Just accept it.
-Stop asking what we are thinking. It is always sex, food, beer, or sports.
-Your ex boyfriend is a dumbass. We don't care what he would think. The same is probably true of your brother and your Dad.
-Sunday afternoons are for naps and football. That's just the way it is.
-If there are 2 ways to interpret something we say, we mean the way that doesn't offend you.
-There are 162 games in a baseball season, and yes we have to watch them all.
-If you don't want the genie to come out, don't rub the damn lamp.
-You can work the toilet seat just as easily as we can.
-The black shoes you want us to look at in the mall will always look just like the ones in your closet.
-We never get subtle hints. Just tell us what you want.
-A simple yes or no is a perfectly acceptable answer. We really won't be upset if you don't explain in detail.
-The words "fine" and "whatever" are never acceptable ways to end a conversation.
-We don't care if you fake it. We just don't want to know about it.
-You can ask us to do something or you can tell us how to do it. You cannot do both.
-Yes we have to fart, and yes it will always be funny.
-Just because you care what your Mom thinks doesn't mean we do.
-What you are wearing is fine. It will always be fine.
-Don't ask us to clean the toilet and we won't ask you to mow the grass.
-If you make out with another chick, we don't consider it cheating. Actually, we encourage it.
-Cotton shorts and a tank top will always be hotter than anything you can buy at Victoria's Secret
-Peeing standing up is far more difficult than peeing at point blank range. We are going to miss once in a while.
-Is it really all that difficult to have the bra and panties match?
What were you expecting, some deep, emotional Freudian discussion? That's it. All very simple, but all very important. Now you know.
-Try to be just a little considerate. If you have something to say during a game, save it for a commercial.
-Marco Polo didn't stop for directions. Neither will we. Ever.
-When the oil light in your car comes on, we want to know sooner, not later.
-We don't remember what day it is, and we don't care. If it's important, put it on the calendar.
-Baseball is not “just a game”. Checkers is a game. Learn the difference.
-If you ask us a question you do not want answered, you will get an answer you do not want.
-If you think your ass is getting bigger, it probably is. See the previous statement before asking us about it.
-We are not always thinking about you. Just accept it.
-Stop asking what we are thinking. It is always sex, food, beer, or sports.
-Your ex boyfriend is a dumbass. We don't care what he would think. The same is probably true of your brother and your Dad.
-Sunday afternoons are for naps and football. That's just the way it is.
-If there are 2 ways to interpret something we say, we mean the way that doesn't offend you.
-There are 162 games in a baseball season, and yes we have to watch them all.
-If you don't want the genie to come out, don't rub the damn lamp.
-You can work the toilet seat just as easily as we can.
-The black shoes you want us to look at in the mall will always look just like the ones in your closet.
-We never get subtle hints. Just tell us what you want.
-A simple yes or no is a perfectly acceptable answer. We really won't be upset if you don't explain in detail.
-The words "fine" and "whatever" are never acceptable ways to end a conversation.
-We don't care if you fake it. We just don't want to know about it.
-You can ask us to do something or you can tell us how to do it. You cannot do both.
-Yes we have to fart, and yes it will always be funny.
-Just because you care what your Mom thinks doesn't mean we do.
-What you are wearing is fine. It will always be fine.
-Don't ask us to clean the toilet and we won't ask you to mow the grass.
-If you make out with another chick, we don't consider it cheating. Actually, we encourage it.
-Cotton shorts and a tank top will always be hotter than anything you can buy at Victoria's Secret
-Peeing standing up is far more difficult than peeing at point blank range. We are going to miss once in a while.
-Is it really all that difficult to have the bra and panties match?
What were you expecting, some deep, emotional Freudian discussion? That's it. All very simple, but all very important. Now you know.
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