Hold The Lime

Anyone who has ever ordered a Corona beer knows that it is typically served with a slice of lime. Ask your average beer drinker why this is, and you'll get one of a myriad of answers. Some will tell you that it is because the beer is brewed in Mexico and that the citric acid in the lime will kill the microorganisms in Mexican water that can have unfortunate effects on the human digestive system. Some will just cop out and say “because that's how it's served.” And some will give the most pitiful answer of them all: that the lime neutralizes the bitter taste of the beer.

But before we go into those excuses, let’s get a few things straight. First of all, no self-respecting man ever puts fruit in a perfectly good beer. Second, the Mexican piss water known as Corona is barely beer at all. That aside, it is pretty good with Mexican food, and it does tend to be the drink of choice with such dining. But if you’re going to drink it, be a man and have the waitress hold the damn lime.

But what about all the reasons in favor of the lime? We’ll deal with those in proper order. First of all, the idea of using lime to kill microorganisms is just plain wrong. The water treatment phase of the brewing process eliminates the microorganisms that cause disturbing illnesses, so the dangers associated with drinking Mexican water do not apply to Corona. You will not get amoebic dysentery. And even if the beer wasn’t safe, did you really think one little slice of lime was going to save you from a week of the shits? The “that’s just how it’s served” excuse, on the other hand, is flat-out weak. Just because the bartender typically serves Corona with a lime doesn't mean you have to drink it that way. You can get it any way you want it, that’s why it’s called “ordering.” And finally the reasoning that the lime neutralizes the bitterness is just stupid. Guess what? Some beers are bitter. They are supposed to taste that way. Beer is an acquired taste. So if you think that any beer is too bitter to be drunk without a lime in it, peek into your shorts and find a pair, or save yourself the trouble and order a damn wine cooler.

The point is simple, do not ever, ever, under any circumstances, put fruit in a beer. If you can't drink Corona without a lime, order something you can handle and leave the fruity drinks to your girlfriend. Be a man, and remember my mantra "Hold the Lime." Repeat that to yourself a few times, it gets easier. Otherwise, next thing you know you'll be ordering a Zima and putting Jolly Ranchers in it, and nobody wants to be that guy.