Successfully Living In Crazyland

At some point in every man's life, he moves past just dating a woman and into an actual relationship. Yes, relationships, that ugly "R" word that changes all the rules we were so familiar with. It is easy to make the mistake that a relationship is just something that happens when you've been dating the same person for a while. That assumption however, is incorrect. That is simply the proper setting. A relationship is a complex paradigm all it's own that alters every single thing you thought you knew about women. You begin to see things about her that she hid so well during the dating phase. You begin seeing the annoying habits, the silly compulsions, and the beginnings of her insanity. You've now entered a place that I like to call Crazyland, and there are things you will need to know in order to survive here. Here are some of the big ones, in no particular order.

- Women are insane. All of them. Your girlfriend is not the exception to this rule, no matter how much you want her to be. You can continue telling your friends that she’s different, she doesn’t play the typical games, but they know the truth, we all do. Some women are better at hiding the crazy than others, but it’s there nonetheless, and it will come out at some point. That point will most likely be after you are in way over your head.

- Every day is brand new day. What may have been true yesterday is not necessarily so today. She can, and more importantly WILL, change her mind about some mundane detail at any given time, with no apparent reason. Just because she ordered a steak for dinner last week does not mean she isn't a vegetarian today. As annoying as this phenomenon can be, it only gets worse. You are expected to know not only when these changes take place, you must also know and understand why. There is no magic solution to this one, your best bet is to just wing it when it comes up, and never question her new opinion on anything.

- If she doesn't think you're interested in the same things she is, she will give you hell about it. Regardless of what she's into, she's going to want to talk to you about it, and she's going to expect some sort of intelligent response. The key here is, she has to think you care about this crap. Learn just enough about it to be able to fake a short conversation and when it comes up, throw in what little you know, make up the rest, and try to change the conversation quickly.

- She will never understand sports. She may ask you a question here and there, but she cares as much about sports as you do her silly interests. She will listen to your answer, but before you spend 30 minutes explaining the benefits of the zone defense, remember that she has absolutely no idea what you're talking about and wouldn't care if she did. Save yourself some trouble. Give her a quick answer, pretend to be truly touched by her interest and with any luck the whole ordeal won't take longer than one commercial break.

- You cannot convince her that her mother is wrong. It will never happen. You can be sure that she will consult her mother on every single decision she makes, and you can also be sure that what ever her mother says may as well come from Jesus himself. Unless it is concerning a topic of real importance, don't waste your time. Do you really care what color the curtains are? No, it's just not worth the effort to argue that. Now, if her mother is telling her that you two should move closer to her parents, that is worth arguing. Of course, if that is really an issue, you have bigger problems anyway.

- She will try to change you. I know that when you were dating she told you she liked you just the way you are, and she wouldn't change a thing, and I also know that you believed her. Guess what- that was bullshit. There are things she will want to change, and she will make one hell of an effort to do so. Now, no one can really advise you on this one, you're pretty much on your own. Beware of big changes and avoid them at all costs. However, if all she is asking is that you tuck your shirt in and shave when you take her out, you may decide that’s not a huge deal and may wind up being worth the payoff. But only if she's really hot.

The problem with successfully living in Crazyland is that you pretty much have to go at it all by yourself. There is no definitive manual, and no guaranteed method because all women are different, and they all have their own big fat cup of crazy that you will have to contend with. However, at some point you will have to figure this out, because most women do insist on the unfortunate stipulation that sex is tied to a relationship. Damn.